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| Anger Management | ||
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| Ultraman Is Air |
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Quan Regulator
Registered Member #613
Joined: Thu Mar 22 2007, 05:41AMPosts: 454 |
When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know.I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered, saying "Hello."I politely said, "This is Chris. Could I please speak with Robyn Carter?"Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear "Get the right fucking number!" and the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude . When I tracked down Robyn's correct number to call her, I found that I had accidentally transposed the last two digits.After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again.When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled "You're an asshole!" and hung up. I wrote his number down with the word 'asshole' next to it, and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, "You're an asshole!" It always cheered me up. When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic 'asshole' calling would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this is John Smith from the telephone company. I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller ID Program?"He yelled "NO!" and slammed down the phone. I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an asshole!" and hung up. One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking Spot. Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting for that spot, but the idiot ignored me. I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his back window, so I wrote down his number. A couple of days later, right after calling the first asshole (I had is number on speed dial,) I thought that I'd better call the BMW asshole, too. I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?"He said, "Yes, it is." I asked, "Can you tell me where I can see it?" He said, "Yes, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax. It's a yellow ranch, and the car's parked right out in front." I asked, "What's your name?" He said, "My name is Don Hansen," I asked, "When's a good time to catch you, Don?" He said, "I'm home every evening after five." I said, "Listen, Don, can I tell you something?" He said, "Yes?" I said, "Don, you're an asshole!" Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too. Now, when I had a problem, I had two assholes to call. Then I came up with an idea. I called asshole #1. He said, "Hello." I said, "You're an asshole!" (But I didn't hang up.) He asked, "Are you still there?" I said, "Yeah," He screamed, "Stop calling me," I said, "Make me," He asked, "Who are you?" I said, "My name is Don Hansen." He said, "Yeah? Where do you live?" I said, "Asshole, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax, a yellow ranch, I have a black Beamer parked in front." He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying your prayers." I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole," and hung up. Then I called Asshole #2. He said, "Hello?" I said, "Hello, asshole," He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..." I said, "You'll what?" He exclaimed, "I'll kick your ass," I answered, "Well, asshole, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now." Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 34 Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax, and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover. Then I called Channel 9 News about the gang war going down in Oaktree Blvd. in Fairfax. I quickly got into my car and headed over to Fairfax. I got there just in time to watch two assholes beating the crap out of each other in front of six cop cars, an overhead news helicopter and surrounded by a news crew. NOW I feel much better. Anger management really does work. |
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| sierramist |
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Registered Member #713
Joined: Sun May 20 2007, 12:58PMPosts: 210 |
OMFG, did u actully fucking call the cops and channel 9 | ||
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| Ultraman Is Air |
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Quan Regulator
Registered Member #613
Joined: Thu Mar 22 2007, 05:41AM Posts: 454 |
Yes, Sierra I did. |
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| mdogg1108 |
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Registered Member #597
Joined: Fri Mar 16 2007, 04:31PMPosts: 790 |
LMFAO!!!!!! | ||
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| Zero |
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I want to fuck your hand.
Registered Member #571
Joined: Thu Feb 15 2007, 09:59PMPosts: 2809 |
Scratch that. good one Ultraman, you gave me the idea now... thanks.. P.S. *67, everyone has it, dial that before any number and your number turns private Edited Mon Aug 27 2007, 09:41PM |
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| Knightrider |
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Meteor 2016
Registered Member #316
Joined: Mon Jun 26 2006, 09:14PMPosts: 3503 |
Wow. It's hard to believe...But that's hilarious. I was laughing the whole story. | ||
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| sierramist |
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Registered Member #713
Joined: Sun May 20 2007, 12:58PM Posts: 210 |
ZOMG, ZOMFG, ROFL WAFFLE SAUCE. I <3 u ur soooo amazing is there any where i can get a vid of this (like from channel 9) |
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| Glas4d |
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Registered Member #756
Joined: Sat Jun 23 2007, 10:49PMPosts: 1717 |
your a smart man. | ||
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| Jesus[tzahal] |
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![Jesus[tzahal]](/media/avatar/100x0/upload/mango_kiwi.1172003384.jpg)
Registered Member #530
Joined: Wed Jan 03 2007, 10:56PMPosts: 807 |
Ultraman Is Air wrote ... Ha, gotta love sarcasm!!!Yes, Sierra I did. Awesome story man, really well thought out. I thought that the Jokes thread was stickied, but I guess not, lol... |
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| sierramist |
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Registered Member #713
Joined: Sun May 20 2007, 12:58PM Posts: 210 |
wow i phailz | ||
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