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| THE Jokes Thread | ||
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| bleek |
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#woo
Registered Member #23
Joined: Fri Nov 25 2005, 11:39PMPosts: 665 |
Got a funny joke you heard/made up? Post 'em here for everyone to enjoy! (we had one a while ago, but it's lost somehwere in the forums, this one will be sticky'd to prvent it from happening) I'll start off with a few. This guy's walking down the street going "93, 93, 93..." over and over again. A confused blond comes up to him and asks "Excuse me, why are you going "93, 93...?" The guy turns to him and says "It's fun. You should try it." So the blonde goes down the street saying "93, 93..." and wanders into the middle of the road, where she is hit by a truck. The guy continues down the road, saying "94, 94, 94..." ---------------------------------------------------- -------------- Three men who were lost in the forest were captured by cannibals. The cannibal king told the prisoners that they could live if they pass a trial. The first step of the trial was to go to the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So all three men went separate ways to gather fruits. The first one came back and said to the king, "I brought ten apples." The king then explained the trial to him. "You have to shove the fruits up your butt without any expression on your face or you'll be eaten." The first apple went in... but on the second one he winced out in pain, so he was killed. The second one arrived and showed the king ten berries. When the king explained the trial to him he thought to himself that this should be easy. 1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8... and on the ninth berry he burst out in laughter and was killed. The first guy and the second guy met in heaven. The first one asked, "Why did you laugh, you almost got away with it?" The second one replied, "I couldn't help it, I saw the third guy coming with pineapples." ---------------------------------------------- ------------------------------ What's worse than finding a maggot in your apple? Getting raped. Edited Thu Apr 05 2007, 07:18PM |
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| NoSkill |
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Sir
Registered Member #457
Joined: Tue Oct 10 2006, 01:13PMPosts: 2628 |
So this lady get's on a bus with her infant and the bus driver turns to her and says "Holy shit! That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The lady get's all flustered, slams her fair in the fair box and stomps off to the back of the bus. A guy sitting next to her notices she's upset. "Excuse me miss but what's wrong?" "That bus driver just insulted me!" "Well now that's not right, he's a public servant, you should go back up there and give him a piece of your mind." "You know what? You're right I will!" "Good for you ma'am, here, let me hold your monkey for you." |
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| Monsterman |
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Registered Member #252
Joined: Wed May 10 2006, 10:11PMPosts: 95 |
ok so there is a blonde a brunette and a redhead and their all on the run from the cops. they find a barn and run in. inside the barn they each find a sack of potatoes to hide in. a cop comes running into the barn and sees the sacks. he kicks the brunettes sack the brunettes sayse " meow" Cop "aw just a stupid cat" so he kicks the redheads bag and she says " woof" Cop "aw just a stupid dog" so he goes to the blondes bag and kicks it and she says " POTATOES." |
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| Zero |
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I want to fuck your hand.
Registered Member #571
Joined: Thu Feb 15 2007, 09:59PMPosts: 2809 |
After all of the background checks, interviews, and testing were done there were three finalists for the CIA assasin position — two men and one woman. For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside this room you will find your wife sitting in a chair. You have to kill her." The first man said. "You can’t be serious. I could never shoot my wife." The agent replies, "Then you’re not the right man for this job." The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the agent came out with tears in his eyes. "I tried, but I can’t kill my wife." The agent replies "You don’t have what it takes. Take your wife and go home." Finally, it was the woman’s turn. Only she was told to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one shot after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow and said, "You guys didn’t tell me the gun was loaded with blanks…had to beat him to death with the chair." |
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| NoSkill |
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Sir
Registered Member #457
Joined: Tue Oct 10 2006, 01:13PM Posts: 2628 |
LoL I've heard that but have always liked it. This really drunk guy walks up to a parking meter and puts in a quarter. He stares at the needle that has stopped at sixty cents and exclaims, "Wow! I can't believe I lost a hundred pounds!" A giraffe bellies up to the bar and says, "Hey guys, the highballs are on me!" The Dali Lama walks into a bar, and halfway through his drink the bartender asks him, "So... how is everything?" An Irishman, an Englishman, and a Scotsman walk into a pub and each order a pint of Guinness. Just as the bartender hands them over, three flies buzz down and one lands in each of the pints. The Englishman looks disgusted, pushes his beer away and demands another pint. The Scotsman picks out the fly, shrugs, and takes a long sip. The Irishman reaches in to the glass, pinches the fly between his fingers, shakes him, and yells "Spit it out, ya bastard! Spit it out!" Edited Thu Apr 05 2007, 10:56PM |
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| aborted fetus |
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The All-Cum Diet
Registered Member #47
Joined: Mon Dec 05 2005, 04:55PMPosts: 1888 |
Q. What's the difference between Neil Armstrong and Michael Jackson? A. One walked on the moon and the other fucks kids. |
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| czar casm |
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Registered Member #529
Joined: Wed Jan 03 2007, 05:16AMPosts: 18 |
haha, good ol' mj. knock knock! who's there? little boy blue. little boy blue who? michael jackson zing! |
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| Rollins |
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Registered Member #576
Joined: Wed Feb 21 2007, 06:56PMPosts: 29 |
Got Bath? A blonde heard that milk baths would make her more beautiful, so she left a note for her milkman to leave 15 gallons of milk. When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 1.5 gallons, so he knocked on the door to clarify the point. The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, "I found your Note to leave 15 gallons of milk. Did you mean 1.5 gallons?" The blonde said, "I want 15 gallons of milk. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath". The milkman asked, "Do you want it pasteurized?" The blonde said, "No, just up to my boobs." It gave me a chuckle:P |
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| Monsterman |
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Registered Member #252
Joined: Wed May 10 2006, 10:11PM Posts: 95 |
ok so an old man walks into a bar sits down at a table pulls out a miniture piano and a 1 foot tall man. a young man walks up and asks him how he got the little man. the old man says " here rub this magic lamp and make a wish" so the young man rubs the lamp and all of a sudden millions of ducks appear in the bar. the young man says " hey i wished for a million bucks not a million ducks." and the old man replies " oh and what you think i wished for a 12 inch pianist. | ||
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| nostie |
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Registered Member #185
Joined: Thu Mar 30 2006, 10:42PMPosts: 3167 |
monsterman... uhh that started out not being a lamp... it was some sort of being that was hard of hearing... yeah. anyway... | ||
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