| Fish Tank Clan :: Forums :: General Forums :: Schooling Fish |
|
« Previous topic | Next topic » |
| Post Your Favorite Jokes Here | ||
| Author | Post | ||
| Wu-banga |
|
||
Registered Member #49
Joined: Tue Dec 06 2005, 01:37AMPosts: 1561 |
how many Toasters does it take to make a bad thread? 2, 1 to make it and 1 to reply to his own thread yeah i know that sucked |
||
| Back to top |
|
||
| Noname|Boom |
|
||
That one guy...
Registered Member #250
Joined: Tue May 09 2006, 11:59PMPosts: 2603 |
Lmao at all of them (except Wu's post  )
|
||
| Back to top |
|
||
| Lithix |
|
||
Registered Member #385
Joined: Mon Aug 14 2006, 03:09AMPosts: 10 |
Ok heres one, kinda racist so no hard feelings...... What did the black kid get for his birthday... my bike. |
||
| Back to top |
|
||
| joker |
|
||
Registered Member #14
Joined: Sat Nov 19 2005, 05:27AMPosts: 157 |
A russian an american and a blonde are all talking one day. The russian bragged "we were the first in space!" The american retorted "we were the first on the moon!" The blonde says " so what, were going to be the first on the sun!" The russian and american look at eachother and shook their heads. " You can't land on the sun, u fool. you'll burn up!" said the russian. The the blonde replied," We're not stupid, ya know. We're going at night!" | ||
| Back to top |
|
||
| aborted fetus |
|
||
The All-Cum Diet
Registered Member #47
Joined: Mon Dec 05 2005, 04:55PMPosts: 1888 |
Q. What's the difference between a porcupine and a BMW? A. The prick's on the outside of a porcupine. |
||
| Back to top |
|
||
| Angry Leprechau |
|
||
Uber Luchador
Registered Member #189
Joined: Sun Apr 02 2006, 04:16AMPosts: 345 |
Three kids come down to the kitchen and sit around the breakfast table. The mother asks the oldest boy what he’d like to eat. "I’ll have some fuckin’ French toast," he says. The mother is outraged at his language, hits him, and sends him upstairs. She asks the middle child what he wants. "Well, I guess that leaves more fuckin’ French toast for me," he says. She is livid, smacks him, and sends him away. Finally she asks the youngest son what he wants for breakfast. "I don’t know," he says meekly, "but I definitely don’t want the fuckin’ French toast." |
||
| Back to top |
|
||
| OO Agent |
|
||
Master of pZoneage
Registered Member #44
Joined: Sun Dec 04 2005, 07:44PMPosts: 62 |
A drunk, a gay guy and a jew are on a plane. During the flight the plane crashes and everyone aboard the plane died except for those three guys. god came down and said to them, "i have spared your lives, as long as you kick your bad habits i will let you live." so the drunk couldnt drink anymore, the gay guy couldnt be interested in men anymore, and the jew couldnt be greedy. so they reapear on the ground fine in front of a bar. the drunk goes, "hey lets go get a drink." they get inside the bar and the drunk gets a beer. he takes a sip of it and POOF he dissapears. the gay guy and the jew were surprised, the jew went to go sit down and noticed a $10 dollar bill under his table. he bends down to pick it up and both the gay guy and the jew dissapear. a guy goes to the doctor and the doctor tells him, "I got bad news and i got worse news." the guy goes, "ok give me the bad news." the doctor goes, "youve got 24 hours to live." "oh man, well whats the worse news" "i fotgot to call you yesterday." Edited Thu Aug 17 2006, 05:06AM |
||
| Back to top |
|
||
| .4ngryToasters |
|
||
you would
Registered Member #149
Joined: Sun Feb 12 2006, 01:08AMPosts: 2039 |
Voodoo Dick A man walks into an adult toy store and starts looking around at the extensive dildo collection. The store owner sees this and can already tell that the man is out of his league here. So the store owner asks him if he needs help with anything. "Yes," the man replies "I do need help. You see, I'm married and I have to go on a long business trip. I suspect my wife isn't the most loyal person, so I need something to keep her occupied while I'm away." The owner understands his situation and heads to the back room. He returns with a box full of dildos. There are purple ones, ribbed ones, even a huge gold plated vibrator with the word "Earthquake" etched in the side of it. The man looks through the collection, but is still unsatisfied. "These are nice," He says, "but I reeeally need something to keep my wife busy. I mean I'm almost certain she'll be in bed with someone else by the time i reach the airport parking lot." The store owner thinks for a second, then checks the store to make sure he and the man are the only ones in there. The owner then locks the door to the shop, and pulls the shades. He dissapears into the back room again, and is gone for a while. When he returns, he is carrying a wooden box that looks ancient. "Here," says the owner, "is what is know as 'Voodoo Dick,'" he opens the case and inside lays what looks like a perfect penis, only it is made from rubber. "Simply say it's name, then what you want it to screw," The man looks surprised by this and thinks: how crazy is this? a voice activated sex toy? "Here, let me give you a demonstration," continues the owner," Voodoo Dick, the door!" Instantly the possesed penis springs to life, and zips across the room. It begins screwing the keyhole in the door. Eventually, a large crack begins to form down the door. "Now it is very important you know how to stop it once you give it the command to screw" yells the owner over the creaking in the now splintering door. "Voodoo Dick, enough!" the dildo goes flacid and falls to the floor. The man's eyes are as wide as suacers. He buys the voodoo dick without a moments hesitation, and pushes his way through the broken door. He returns home and explains to his wife what went on in the toy store. She looks at him in disbelief, but accepts the box none-the-less. Later that day, the man leaves for his business trip and the wife is left to an empty house. After about half an hour, she begins to think about sex, and decides she might entertain herself by seeing if what her husband said was true about voodoo dick. She opens the box and looks inside. "voodoo dick, screw me!" she says, but nothing happens. She trys again "voodoo dick, work!" Still nothing. She gets frustrated and says out loud "Freaking liar there's nothing special about this toy. Voodoo dick, my pussy!" Suddenly it springs to life and darts straight down her pants. She is overcome by the feeling, and suddenly finds herself wishing that her husband was this good. This continues for about 2 - 3 hours. After her eigth orgasm, she decides she is tired, and enough is enough. "Voodoo dick, stop!" she says, but it continues screwing. She thinks hard, but can't remember the command her husband gave her. She tries again "Voodoo dick, your box!" but that only makes it screw harder. Since her commands aren't working she desperatly decides she needs to go to the hospitol to get it out, so she puts on her clothes over the voodoo dick and gets in the car. As she drives down the highway, she has trouble keeping the car steady and swerves between lanes. Suddenly, her ninth orgasm hits right as she swerves by a cop. The cop gives chase and pulls her over. The police officer asks the wife if she has been drinking. To which she replies by telling him the story of her day with voodoo dick. The cop tries to stay professional, but he can't. He laughs histerically at the story. Once he puts himself back together he takes off his sun-glasses leans into the wife's open window and sarcastically says "Voodoo Dick my ass!" |
||
| Back to top |
|
||
| Noname|Boom |
|
||
|
That one guy...
Registered Member #250
Joined: Tue May 09 2006, 11:59PM Posts: 2603 |
Top ten indicators that a redneck has been working on your computer 10. The monitor is up on blocks. 9. Outgoing faxes have tobacco stains on them. 8. The six front keys have rotted out. 7. The extra RAM slots have truck parts installed in them. 6. The numeric keypad only goes up to six. 5. The password is "Huntin". 4. The CPU has a gun rack mount. 3. There is a Skoal can in the CD-ROM drive. 2. The keyboard is camouflaged. 1. The mouse is referred to as a "critter". Reasons to stay at work all night 1. Act out your version of a company takeover. 2. Find a way to change everyone's password to "chrysanthemum". 3. Around 3:20am, play connect-the-dots with lights still on in other office buildings. Keep going until you see a small woodland creature. 4. Sneaking in the boss's desk could land you an unexpected promotion. 5. Draw stick people in all the landscape pictures on the walls, and in the morning, be the first to point out "what a terrible thing that someone did this to such beautiful works of art". 6. Go into the other gender's bathroom without fear of being caught. 7. Run up and down the hallways screaming, hoping security will come so you can have someone to talk to. 8. Leave prank messages on the CEO's voice mail. 9. Finally, a chance to live out a dream and pretend to be your boss. 10. Elevator surfing! |
||
| Back to top |
|
||
| bleek |
|
||
#woo
Registered Member #23
Joined: Fri Nov 25 2005, 11:39PMPosts: 665 |
Most famous last lines: (which are followed by some1' death) I'll go investigate the noise. You're all dead. Everything will be fine now. I'm straight. Ops I dropped the soap. I think its dead. It happens to alot of guys. Honey, this is Mike. |
||
| Back to top |
|
||
Powered by e107 Forum System
|
|