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| Knightrider |
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Meteor 2016
Registered Member #316
Joined: Mon Jun 26 2006, 09:14PMPosts: 3503 |
Well tonight I had a nervous breakdown at my job, and I currently cannot control my emotions anymore. It's literally at the point where I'm bipolar, except..I'm always mad/sad/depressed? It's way more complicated than your small minds can fathom, so I'll just leave it at that. A quick runthrough though would be the following: 1. I'm failing my sr. year. Who would have guessed!? 2. Trust issues with people including my friends has gone way downhill. This ties in with relationships as well. 3. I got shit on for the last time, and my emotions went out of whack, and I freaked out. My arms were involuntarily moving and I couldn't breathe. I left my job early, and it wouldn't surprise me if they fired me. 4. I MUST catch up and graduate. I will be the only person in my family to ever graduate high school if I do. (Sad isn't it? Yep, that's my life!) If you haven't noticed it on the forums or in-game, I've become one moody sad son of a bitch. Maybe if you were me, and understood how there is NO solution to any of my problems (I am literally not kidding) you could relate, but, you can't  Living in a house when you were a little kid while your two sisters were being raped in the other room and you were locked in yours not knowing what goes on for a while really fucks with your mind. I never really am open about this, but you guys have been with me for a while now and I trust that you will not look down on me or whatever that matter. All this with my problems piled up inside of me has built up and up to the point where I can't handle them or myself anymore. So I am taking an official break from FT. I'm not leaving, but I do not know when I will be back. A nervous breakdown is too far, and that drew the line for me. Although I love you guys here, I can't let this interfere with my life and figure out a way to not hate humans. Peace out, love you all. I will check the forums every now and then, but I can't promise anything. I just hope I'm strong enough not to kill myself (It's that bad). |
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| Omni |
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terrible one
Registered Member #33
Joined: Tue Nov 29 2005, 11:50PMPosts: 1292 |
Oh my, man i have one word: Graduate!! I know yo udo not know me but i will do whatever i can to help, just ask. <3 much TAKE care. |
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| Kool-Aid |
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Registered Member #815
Joined: Tue Jul 31 2007, 11:33PMPosts: 852 |
Knight, take your break. Graduate, fix whatever problems you can. Then come back when you're ready. No need to rush anything. Well except maybe the graduating thing, but that's a different story. |
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| b4ndito |
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b4ndito
Registered Member #958
Joined: Fri Jan 04 2008, 06:59AMPosts: 3385 |
Dude, don't ever even fucking THINK about suicide. My cousin offed himself and it absolutely destroyed every single thing in my life. I've still got problems from it. It's never worth it. There's a quote I'm trying to find, but failing to find it. Something along these lines. "When you feel your worst, there is no where to go but up. It's kinda the definition." -Matt Embree I think Dude, I love you, and take this shit seriously. Don't ever give up your life over emotions. I've faced the same thing and it all comes back to normal eventually. |
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| Ninca |
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Registered Member #561
Joined: Sun Feb 04 2007, 07:45AMPosts: 1109 |
Xfire/Steam friends message me, or Aim me @ bballbt36, I have something to tell you :o | ||
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| 5 Dollar Holler |
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Registered Member #494
Joined: Tue Nov 21 2006, 12:47AMPosts: 381 |
Yeah bandito is right, suicide destroys anyone that you care about. Take some time off, if you don't work out, start running or doing things to relieve stress that aren't detrimental. Hope to see you back soon man, keep in touch once in a while on the forums at least
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| gLiTch |
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Anal Assassin
Registered Member #455
Joined: Mon Oct 09 2006, 04:58AMPosts: 3848 |
i hate to see you go.. ur one of my favorite FT'ers... Yep i said it. (its ok zero and bandito ) But for real man, see because your the best, you must stay the best. Dont ever think about suicide. Its never a way out. And based on what you told us, i think you are suffering from Clinical Depression brought on by delayed Post Traumatic Stress. Other factors include daily stress from school and work. (Some under-grad classes gave me the idea). This isnt a joke, and im VERY glad you decided to take the initiative and get shit together. If you dont believe me, look up the DSM-IV Revised Edition. It will help you diagnose yourself if your bored. Mark, buddy, i hope you read this. It may help you. And i want the best. You may be a complete stranger to me, but...a brother's love is just, a brother's love. Listen. Things you could do is first take a look at your daily activities. $5 hollar is 100% right. Start running a lil bit every day.. half a mile here and there. It will release hormones called Endorphins, a chemical that increases a persons happiness. Other physical activities do this too. I see you got a g/f right? If thats true which i think it is, then im sure she cares about you. Tell her to tell you daily how much she cares about you. It will make you feel better. Change your diet. Completely rid yourself of alcohol/drugs. Eliminate it from your life right now. It will be VERY hard, but it will dramatically help. Eat healthy foods and get at least 8 hours of sleep a night. And last but definitely not least, get outside help. Maybe you should also start on medication... Maybe some Zolof or Zanex. Thats if you wanna go that route. It helps a lot. Therapy is also a huge help. My sister/gf go every now and then to relieve stress and it works wonders. Sometimes all you need is a stranger to talk to. Add all these together and you should be on the way to being a healthier and happier Mark. If you want anyone at all to talk to bro, just give me a ring. Idc bout posting my number up here. 1-347-392-2441 If you need someone to talk to man, give me a hollar. Otherwise bro, goodluck, take it slow, take it easy, and godspeed ma man. Edited Thu Mar 27 2008, 06:46AM |
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| kd. |
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♥ (✿◠‿◠) ♥
Registered Member #75
Joined: Sat Dec 17 2005, 08:51PMPosts: 3128 |
I would make a long post, but I feel I can convey myself with this: I love you. |
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| Wu-banga |
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Registered Member #49
Joined: Tue Dec 06 2005, 01:37AMPosts: 1561 |
Damn, Knight. I wish there was some way I could help with your troubles. I am surprised that you have these issues. You never complain (at least here), you're a great person and a great admin. You have to realize that you are not the only person going through issues and some of our 'small minds' can comprehend and process everything. All I can hope is that you take my suggestion seriously. That is, if you REALLY want to organize your life. Get your ass to a consular, and not a shitty school consular. A real consular. There are free ones provided. They will walk you through things, if you learn to trust them. From there, your best move would be to be examined by a Psychologist. Don't be alarmed at the thought of going to a Psychologist, as millions of people see one. They can help with things like depression, mood swings, etc. They aren't just for 'crazy' people. --- In reguards to school, I had a friend who was going through a few issues himself and just stopped coming. After a month or so, I learned that he was being 'homebound' which means that a teacher comes to YOUR house to drop off work/help you. Apparently it is only a few hours a week. ^^Only consider this if you know you can't catch up^^ That is the only advice I can give you, but remember that the window is closing fast. It is your senior year and you have less than half a school year to go! Gonna miss you, hope you come around again soon. Reguards, Wu~! P.S. PM me if you need anything Edited Thu Mar 27 2008, 07:30AM |
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| The Caller of Ktulu |
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Registered Member #310
Joined: Fri Jun 23 2006, 07:01AMPosts: 564 |
Knight, I hate to see you go. You better come back asap. I mean, you were one of the first FTers i met on office, and even though you are an asshole (lol), you are an awesome person. Its sad to see you go on my b-day, of all days, but whatever you do, do not commit suicide. PLEASE come back as soon as you can. I know I cannot, and maybe never will know exactly how you feel, but I can still help you through it if you need me. If you want, I can PM you my phone #. I would give you my aim, but I dont use that. Hope to see you around again soon. Love you brother. |
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